Letter From Bingham Hall

Dear Sir Walstein, Esq,

I’ve received the troubling news that you think that everyone here at Yale who is a boy likes other boys. Let me dispel this myth for you.

Our fate as the most accepting, open-minded, and un-prejudiced Ivy is for sly rumors to be leaked about us by our rivals (*coughHARVARDcough*). They realize that they cannot hope to match our friendliness and welcoming attitude, so they hope to put a negative spin to it—that is, by proclaiming that girls cannot find boyfriends at Yale, they hope to discourage female applicants. And as we all know, once the girls stop going to a school, the boys lose interest as well. Case in point: Caltech vs. MIT.

Yes, you think this is a dirty, underhanded trick, and in truth, it is. But we, being the better college with the better people of higher moral caliber, choose not to retaliate by insinuating that Harvard is in fact full of pretentious exclusionary snobs who are second to all. I jest of course. I hold their supercilious attitudes in the highest regard. Oh, and Mandelbrot is at Yale. But I digress.

Now, to address the issue. The rumor, I believe, is that one in three Yale males are attracted to their own gender. I can immediately refute this by saying my floor consists of eleven gentlemen, and only one out of the eleven is homosexual. The sample population size doesn’t matter. And it is random enough to suit my purposes. In case the esteemed Mr. Stein is reading this, I did repeat the trial on my floor three times, and each time my floormates assured me they were heterosexual (with the exception of the one who is not.)

There is another popular phrase referring to Yale, no doubt spread by parties with nefarious intent, that every guy worth dating is “either taken or gay.” First of all, this I believe is a generic adage not meant to be applied specifically to Yale. But in Yale’s defense, I refer you and all who happen to be reading this letter to a wonderful movie by a man named Philip Wong: http://youtube.com/watch?v=ZrnK-qPARYI I urge you to consider this video before making any inferences about Yale based solely on unfounded rumor. Note: I am unsure whether this link is cASe sEnSitiVe.

In conclusion, we are very accepting of all demographics at Yale, be it defined by sexual orientation, gender, race, athleticism, beauty, or intelligence.

Please address all complaints and retribution to one Boris Vassi something. I write on his bequest.

Best wishes always,
Allen Zhang

PS: Math in college is proof heavy. Maybe you could force encourage your current students to do more as practice?