What I Learned From Intel

So recently, I and several of my former/current classmates received an email from a reporter type person--whose name shall be withheld for privacy reasons--about my activities since being an Intel Semifinalist. After shooting the breeze with one of the aforementioned classmates, Merlyn Deng, whose name will not be revealed for privacy reasons, I decided the following responses would be appropriate. Ethan W., here are the answers you desired. And, for the record, I ask you not to use them in your article:

1. Have you continued working on your project (or similar research)
after becoming an Intel semifinalist?
I have begun a new branch of research, a rather obscure one, actually. A friend of mine brought to my attention that there is, in fact, VERY LITTLE KNOWLEDGE in the field of HowGirlsThinkOlogy. I believe that my efforts in this area will be very beneficial to all mankind, and I hope that my project will soon bear fruit.

2. Did being an Intel semifinalist have any lasting effects?
Being an Intel semifinalist made me realize that incredible diversity in science. Just a couple of years ago, I thought that the only fields that existed were Physics, Chemistry, Earth Science, and Biology. But now I know that some of the lesser fields can be just as useful and rewarding. My own research, for example, in HowGirlsThinkOlogy has incredible potential to bring enlightenment to approximately one half of the world's population.

3. Has the SRP/Intel project prepared you for your academic and
research experiences in college? Why/why not
I think that the SRP/Intel project has prepared me well for my academic and research experiences in college. Academically, I had found that waiting until the night before to finish an important final paper greatly increases efficiency. Interestingly, when I follow such a strategy, my work done per minute greatly overshadows my wpm (work per minute) when following a long term strategy. Research-wise, the approach to science I learned in SRP has been invaluable in setting up my latest project. I came up with a hypothesis and everything.

4. How has your first few months of college been generally? What do
you like/dislike about it? Has it been easy to transition?
Well, my first ONE month of college has been pretty good. Awesome peope, awesome place. I like that it's Yale. I dislike that I have yet to make progress on my research. The transition was very tough for me. What should have been a 5 hour drive turned into 11 because of stupid New York and it's stupid traffic.

5. What kinds of activities, sports and organizations are you involved in?
Well, like I said, I do work in a HowGirlsThinkOlogy lab. Besides that, there are some things that I really enjoy, and would like to do more of. Sleeping and eating come to mind.

6. Have you won any awards or done anything notable so far in college?
In my one month of college, I have won non-shared Nobel Prizes in every field, was awarded the Fields Medal, and cured cancer. Additionally, global warming is now a myth, but I can't claim all the credit on that one. I prayed to the Flying Spaghetti Monster and, well, it worked.

7. What are you planning to major in and why? Has your Intel project
influenced this decision in any way?
Because of my exciting (but thus far, fruitless) research, I feel like a career in studying how members of the opposite sex thinks would be a rewarding way to spend my life.

8. What are your plans for the future?
See above. Other goals include, but are not limited to: finally crossing the river without my oxen dying, finding Waldo, knowing where in the world is Carmen Sandiego, and beat Chuck Norris in rock paper scissors.

9. (Most important question) What is the most interesting thing that
has happened to you since leaving Blair?
Besides winning non-shared Nobel Prizes in every field, being awarded the Fields Medal, curing cancer, and elminating global warming, I would say the next most interesting thing that happened to me was eating 3 boxes of Pocky in a row, then having Bubble Tea. If you read my previous post about saving energy, this means that I have indirectly saved the world.

Ethan, if there is anything else you need to know, please don't hesitate to ask. Thank you for your interest.