So I was talking with a FroCo (freshman counselor) the other day, and she mentioned weddings. Said that it was something that girls talk about or whatever (what girls talk/think about will be subject of a future entry, if I feel like it.) And that got my thinking: I should probably plan out my kids' futures now, so when they finally come, I'll know exactly what to do to make them into the perfect, successful, resourceful, and perfect people. I now reveal my plan for my firstborn. Assume that it's a son.
The schedule starts from Day 14. I feel like he deserves a break from the effort of coming into the world. It would also be totally unfair and unreasonable to expect a newborn to be able to accomplish the tasks I set forth, so I leave a fortnight for him to enjoy just being alive. After that, no more lazing around, sleeping twenty hours a day. Starting on Day 14, by Day 21, he will sleep no more than ten hours a day, thus saving many, many days' worth of time for constructive learning.
I will start him on music. He will have headphones ALL day; his first language will be the language of pitch and tone. With such early exposure, I suspect he will quickly develop into a musical genius. Piano lessons start at age 3; violin at age 5; guitar at age 7; and a new instrument every two years. I will make one concession: he can choose every instrument he wants after guitar.
Starting at six months, he will start his study of languages, with a new language being introduced every six months until he is 7 years old. He will be learning, by his 7th birthday, 12 languages. Obviously he needs to learn English and Chinese. Next two will be French and Spanish, after which he can choose which languages too learn. After all, I am not domineering; I do wish him some freedom.
I don't wish to strain his voice as it develops, so he will not need to take singing lessons until age 8. Lessons will discontinue during puberty (to avoid embarassing voice cracks during performances and recitals) and will continue as soon as appropriate (hopefully age 14-15.) However, he will learn to dance starting at age 2, beginning with classical (like waltz) and moving on to more contemporary forms. He will start playing sports at age 5, starting with swimming--an excellent cardiovascular activity. Every subsequent year, he will take up a new sport, starting with wushu (for the overall conditioning and the training to get mad hops and acrobatics.) He can then choose sports as he sees fit.
Academically, he will be tutored in math and reading starting at age 3. Of course, he will go to public school so he can also have a social life. With all of his abilities, he will surely have a great many friends. Starting from pre-school, I will encourage--but not force, since I am reasonable--him to organize school-wide events, such as trick-or-treating for UNICEF. He will run for the student government (that has no power) in second grade. He will be a captain of the patrols as soon as possible.
From here on, his life will be well structured. He will have already acquired many valuable skills that he needs from his early start. He will be able to compete in anything he chooses and have the ability to do well in all of them. In grade 6, after maybe skipping a grade or two, I will introduce him to StarCraft and WarCraft as well, so he can become professional by high school and play professionally in his free time. By now, he should be trained well enough to run on seven hours of sleep per night at optimal efficiency.
In middle school, he can relax--I will ask nothing except to maintain his current schedule.
In high school, the real grind would start. He will take part in two varsity sports per season, and be on board for at least three clubs. I expect him to captain his varsity teams, but if he can't, I'm willing to compromise.
4.0 is a requirement, of course.
I expect him to find somewhere to work over the summer, anywhere he chooses. I am willing to fund expeditions to Antarctica to study whatever it is he wishes to study. Or to send him into space to work on the Space Station.
He will get into all the top colleges in the world. I will allow him to apply to the top 20. I will keep the admissions letters to boost my ego. He will go to Yale.
After setting him up perfectly, he will be ready for the rest of his life.
People in the future will look back upon his accomplishments--including, but not limited to, curing cancer, solving global warming, creating a new sun, discovering life on other planets, and foiling a Bugger invasion of Earth--and know him as Optimus Prime Zhang.
While he becomes the most important person the planet--nay, the galaxy--I will relish in my achievements and cuddle with his 20 acceptance letters.
My wife, I hope, will support my plan. In which case all the "I's" above can be changed to "We's"
Let's see your child compete with that.
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
Letter From Bingham Hall
Dear Sir Walstein, Esq,
I’ve received the troubling news that you think that everyone here at Yale who is a boy likes other boys. Let me dispel this myth for you.
Our fate as the most accepting, open-minded, and un-prejudiced Ivy is for sly rumors to be leaked about us by our rivals (*coughHARVARDcough*). They realize that they cannot hope to match our friendliness and welcoming attitude, so they hope to put a negative spin to it—that is, by proclaiming that girls cannot find boyfriends at Yale, they hope to discourage female applicants. And as we all know, once the girls stop going to a school, the boys lose interest as well. Case in point: Caltech vs. MIT.
Yes, you think this is a dirty, underhanded trick, and in truth, it is. But we, being the better college with the better people of higher moral caliber, choose not to retaliate by insinuating that Harvard is in fact full of pretentious exclusionary snobs who are second to all. I jest of course. I hold their supercilious attitudes in the highest regard. Oh, and Mandelbrot is at Yale. But I digress.
Now, to address the issue. The rumor, I believe, is that one in three Yale males are attracted to their own gender. I can immediately refute this by saying my floor consists of eleven gentlemen, and only one out of the eleven is homosexual. The sample population size doesn’t matter. And it is random enough to suit my purposes. In case the esteemed Mr. Stein is reading this, I did repeat the trial on my floor three times, and each time my floormates assured me they were heterosexual (with the exception of the one who is not.)
There is another popular phrase referring to Yale, no doubt spread by parties with nefarious intent, that every guy worth dating is “either taken or gay.” First of all, this I believe is a generic adage not meant to be applied specifically to Yale. But in Yale’s defense, I refer you and all who happen to be reading this letter to a wonderful movie by a man named Philip Wong: http://youtube.com/watch?v=ZrnK-qPARYI I urge you to consider this video before making any inferences about Yale based solely on unfounded rumor. Note: I am unsure whether this link is cASe sEnSitiVe.
In conclusion, we are very accepting of all demographics at Yale, be it defined by sexual orientation, gender, race, athleticism, beauty, or intelligence.
Please address all complaints and retribution to one Boris Vassi something. I write on his bequest.
Best wishes always,
Allen Zhang
PS: Math in college is proof heavy. Maybe you could force encourage your current students to do more as practice?
I’ve received the troubling news that you think that everyone here at Yale who is a boy likes other boys. Let me dispel this myth for you.
Our fate as the most accepting, open-minded, and un-prejudiced Ivy is for sly rumors to be leaked about us by our rivals (*coughHARVARDcough*). They realize that they cannot hope to match our friendliness and welcoming attitude, so they hope to put a negative spin to it—that is, by proclaiming that girls cannot find boyfriends at Yale, they hope to discourage female applicants. And as we all know, once the girls stop going to a school, the boys lose interest as well. Case in point: Caltech vs. MIT.
Yes, you think this is a dirty, underhanded trick, and in truth, it is. But we, being the better college with the better people of higher moral caliber, choose not to retaliate by insinuating that Harvard is in fact full of pretentious exclusionary snobs who are second to all. I jest of course. I hold their supercilious attitudes in the highest regard. Oh, and Mandelbrot is at Yale. But I digress.
Now, to address the issue. The rumor, I believe, is that one in three Yale males are attracted to their own gender. I can immediately refute this by saying my floor consists of eleven gentlemen, and only one out of the eleven is homosexual. The sample population size doesn’t matter. And it is random enough to suit my purposes. In case the esteemed Mr. Stein is reading this, I did repeat the trial on my floor three times, and each time my floormates assured me they were heterosexual (with the exception of the one who is not.)
There is another popular phrase referring to Yale, no doubt spread by parties with nefarious intent, that every guy worth dating is “either taken or gay.” First of all, this I believe is a generic adage not meant to be applied specifically to Yale. But in Yale’s defense, I refer you and all who happen to be reading this letter to a wonderful movie by a man named Philip Wong: http://youtube.com/watch?v=ZrnK-qPARYI I urge you to consider this video before making any inferences about Yale based solely on unfounded rumor. Note: I am unsure whether this link is cASe sEnSitiVe.
In conclusion, we are very accepting of all demographics at Yale, be it defined by sexual orientation, gender, race, athleticism, beauty, or intelligence.
Please address all complaints and retribution to one Boris Vassi something. I write on his bequest.
Best wishes always,
Allen Zhang
PS: Math in college is proof heavy. Maybe you could force encourage your current students to do more as practice?
Saturday, October 13, 2007
What I Learned From Intel
So recently, I and several of my former/current classmates received an email from a reporter type person--whose name shall be withheld for privacy reasons--about my activities since being an Intel Semifinalist. After shooting the breeze with one of the aforementioned classmates, Merlyn Deng, whose name will not be revealed for privacy reasons, I decided the following responses would be appropriate. Ethan W., here are the answers you desired. And, for the record, I ask you not to use them in your article:
1. Have you continued working on your project (or similar research)
after becoming an Intel semifinalist?
I have begun a new branch of research, a rather obscure one, actually. A friend of mine brought to my attention that there is, in fact, VERY LITTLE KNOWLEDGE in the field of HowGirlsThinkOlogy. I believe that my efforts in this area will be very beneficial to all mankind, and I hope that my project will soon bear fruit.
2. Did being an Intel semifinalist have any lasting effects?
Being an Intel semifinalist made me realize that incredible diversity in science. Just a couple of years ago, I thought that the only fields that existed were Physics, Chemistry, Earth Science, and Biology. But now I know that some of the lesser fields can be just as useful and rewarding. My own research, for example, in HowGirlsThinkOlogy has incredible potential to bring enlightenment to approximately one half of the world's population.
3. Has the SRP/Intel project prepared you for your academic and
research experiences in college? Why/why not
I think that the SRP/Intel project has prepared me well for my academic and research experiences in college. Academically, I had found that waiting until the night before to finish an important final paper greatly increases efficiency. Interestingly, when I follow such a strategy, my work done per minute greatly overshadows my wpm (work per minute) when following a long term strategy. Research-wise, the approach to science I learned in SRP has been invaluable in setting up my latest project. I came up with a hypothesis and everything.
4. How has your first few months of college been generally? What do
you like/dislike about it? Has it been easy to transition?
Well, my first ONE month of college has been pretty good. Awesome peope, awesome place. I like that it's Yale. I dislike that I have yet to make progress on my research. The transition was very tough for me. What should have been a 5 hour drive turned into 11 because of stupid New York and it's stupid traffic.
5. What kinds of activities, sports and organizations are you involved in?
Well, like I said, I do work in a HowGirlsThinkOlogy lab. Besides that, there are some things that I really enjoy, and would like to do more of. Sleeping and eating come to mind.
6. Have you won any awards or done anything notable so far in college?
In my one month of college, I have won non-shared Nobel Prizes in every field, was awarded the Fields Medal, and cured cancer. Additionally, global warming is now a myth, but I can't claim all the credit on that one. I prayed to the Flying Spaghetti Monster and, well, it worked.
7. What are you planning to major in and why? Has your Intel project
influenced this decision in any way?
Because of my exciting (but thus far, fruitless) research, I feel like a career in studying how members of the opposite sex thinks would be a rewarding way to spend my life.
8. What are your plans for the future?
See above. Other goals include, but are not limited to: finally crossing the river without my oxen dying, finding Waldo, knowing where in the world is Carmen Sandiego, and beat Chuck Norris in rock paper scissors.
9. (Most important question) What is the most interesting thing that
has happened to you since leaving Blair?
Besides winning non-shared Nobel Prizes in every field, being awarded the Fields Medal, curing cancer, and elminating global warming, I would say the next most interesting thing that happened to me was eating 3 boxes of Pocky in a row, then having Bubble Tea. If you read my previous post about saving energy, this means that I have indirectly saved the world.
Ethan, if there is anything else you need to know, please don't hesitate to ask. Thank you for your interest.
1. Have you continued working on your project (or similar research)
after becoming an Intel semifinalist?
I have begun a new branch of research, a rather obscure one, actually. A friend of mine brought to my attention that there is, in fact, VERY LITTLE KNOWLEDGE in the field of HowGirlsThinkOlogy. I believe that my efforts in this area will be very beneficial to all mankind, and I hope that my project will soon bear fruit.
2. Did being an Intel semifinalist have any lasting effects?
Being an Intel semifinalist made me realize that incredible diversity in science. Just a couple of years ago, I thought that the only fields that existed were Physics, Chemistry, Earth Science, and Biology. But now I know that some of the lesser fields can be just as useful and rewarding. My own research, for example, in HowGirlsThinkOlogy has incredible potential to bring enlightenment to approximately one half of the world's population.
3. Has the SRP/Intel project prepared you for your academic and
research experiences in college? Why/why not
I think that the SRP/Intel project has prepared me well for my academic and research experiences in college. Academically, I had found that waiting until the night before to finish an important final paper greatly increases efficiency. Interestingly, when I follow such a strategy, my work done per minute greatly overshadows my wpm (work per minute) when following a long term strategy. Research-wise, the approach to science I learned in SRP has been invaluable in setting up my latest project. I came up with a hypothesis and everything.
4. How has your first few months of college been generally? What do
you like/dislike about it? Has it been easy to transition?
Well, my first ONE month of college has been pretty good. Awesome peope, awesome place. I like that it's Yale. I dislike that I have yet to make progress on my research. The transition was very tough for me. What should have been a 5 hour drive turned into 11 because of stupid New York and it's stupid traffic.
5. What kinds of activities, sports and organizations are you involved in?
Well, like I said, I do work in a HowGirlsThinkOlogy lab. Besides that, there are some things that I really enjoy, and would like to do more of. Sleeping and eating come to mind.
6. Have you won any awards or done anything notable so far in college?
In my one month of college, I have won non-shared Nobel Prizes in every field, was awarded the Fields Medal, and cured cancer. Additionally, global warming is now a myth, but I can't claim all the credit on that one. I prayed to the Flying Spaghetti Monster and, well, it worked.
7. What are you planning to major in and why? Has your Intel project
influenced this decision in any way?
Because of my exciting (but thus far, fruitless) research, I feel like a career in studying how members of the opposite sex thinks would be a rewarding way to spend my life.
8. What are your plans for the future?
See above. Other goals include, but are not limited to: finally crossing the river without my oxen dying, finding Waldo, knowing where in the world is Carmen Sandiego, and beat Chuck Norris in rock paper scissors.
9. (Most important question) What is the most interesting thing that
has happened to you since leaving Blair?
Besides winning non-shared Nobel Prizes in every field, being awarded the Fields Medal, curing cancer, and elminating global warming, I would say the next most interesting thing that happened to me was eating 3 boxes of Pocky in a row, then having Bubble Tea. If you read my previous post about saving energy, this means that I have indirectly saved the world.
Ethan, if there is anything else you need to know, please don't hesitate to ask. Thank you for your interest.
Friday, October 5, 2007
The Food Chain
In the mighty jungle, you don’t eat plants. They eat you.
What. The. Heck. I know we’ve always oohed and aahed over Venus Fly Traps that snap up those pesky, well, flies, but this is something else. These are some seriously carnivorous plants. Instead of the relatively friendly—i.e. small—Venus trappers, these guys are huge. They pack some serious volume.
This guy, for example, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nepenthes, is like a freaking black hole. Just looking at this 3 foot monstrosity makes me feel like I’m gonna die. It LOOKS like it’s just waiting to eat you. Hell, it even has teeth.
And then I found that even the friendly Venus Fly Trap is, well, vicious. These guys, http://www.sarracenia.com/faq/faq2130.html, apparently aren’t single entities. They grow as colonies of voracious chomping machines. Good thing they only evolved to eat bugs. I would hate to get targeted by one of those.
Even scarier, it seems these creatures—for surely something so sinister could not be mere plants—are almost sentient. They have crazy, devious strategies to lure prey into their maws. This marine monster, http://www.sarracenia.com/faq/faq5320.html, lures crustaceans into their disorienting tentacles and BAM—bye bye blue crab. Imagine, strolling alone on your ocean floor, when you wander into this forest of waving thingies—not so bad. Then the next thing you know, you’re lost and getting your guts sucked out.
But the MOST MOST MOST scary of all are these guys: http://www.sarracenia.com/faq/faq5400.html Potentially having vines up to TEN FREAKING METERS long, they look like alien creatures coming to dominate the world and eat us all. Imagine stumbling into one of these guys—you’d have no chance. Before you could say “Devil’s Snare,” you’d be wrapped and gobbled and digested.
Not only are you dead, you died from getting eaten by a freaking plant. Oh the ignominy. Oh the horror. When I go house hunting, I will follow this checklist:
1) Look for potential plant entrances where large toothy vines can sneak in. Block it off and/or plant a fire trap.
2) Look in the attic for Jumanji, and promptly nuke the board to avoid ever having a creepy magical jungle infestation.
3) Block the fireplace for good measure.
When you sleep tonight, watch your backs: your ferns may be more than they seem.
What. The. Heck. I know we’ve always oohed and aahed over Venus Fly Traps that snap up those pesky, well, flies, but this is something else. These are some seriously carnivorous plants. Instead of the relatively friendly—i.e. small—Venus trappers, these guys are huge. They pack some serious volume.
This guy, for example, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nepenthes, is like a freaking black hole. Just looking at this 3 foot monstrosity makes me feel like I’m gonna die. It LOOKS like it’s just waiting to eat you. Hell, it even has teeth.
And then I found that even the friendly Venus Fly Trap is, well, vicious. These guys, http://www.sarracenia.com/faq/faq2130.html, apparently aren’t single entities. They grow as colonies of voracious chomping machines. Good thing they only evolved to eat bugs. I would hate to get targeted by one of those.
Even scarier, it seems these creatures—for surely something so sinister could not be mere plants—are almost sentient. They have crazy, devious strategies to lure prey into their maws. This marine monster, http://www.sarracenia.com/faq/faq5320.html, lures crustaceans into their disorienting tentacles and BAM—bye bye blue crab. Imagine, strolling alone on your ocean floor, when you wander into this forest of waving thingies—not so bad. Then the next thing you know, you’re lost and getting your guts sucked out.
But the MOST MOST MOST scary of all are these guys: http://www.sarracenia.com/faq/faq5400.html Potentially having vines up to TEN FREAKING METERS long, they look like alien creatures coming to dominate the world and eat us all. Imagine stumbling into one of these guys—you’d have no chance. Before you could say “Devil’s Snare,” you’d be wrapped and gobbled and digested.
Not only are you dead, you died from getting eaten by a freaking plant. Oh the ignominy. Oh the horror. When I go house hunting, I will follow this checklist:
1) Look for potential plant entrances where large toothy vines can sneak in. Block it off and/or plant a fire trap.
2) Look in the attic for Jumanji, and promptly nuke the board to avoid ever having a creepy magical jungle infestation.
3) Block the fireplace for good measure.
When you sleep tonight, watch your backs: your ferns may be more than they seem.
Monday, October 1, 2007
Saving The World For Dummies
Pretty sweet, right? But how, you may ask, is this possible? How can everyone save the world? Well, this here guide will tell you how. It's actually very easy. It takes just THREE (3) easy steps. Well, there is that optional extra .1415....of a step, but that's optional.
Now, step one: Get some Pocky. That's right. How can you hope to save the world on an empty stomach? How can you have the motivation to save the world when you don't know what exactly it is you're trying to save? Therefore, eating pocky deserves a whole step to itself. You will be inspired to save Pocky, and therefore the Pocky box, and therefore the creators of Pocky and the box and then, by relation, their relations, etc etc. You get the idea. First Big Idea: Eat Pocky. Save the world.
Step two: Get some Boba. That's Bubble Tea. After munching on all that Pocky, you may find yourself thirsty. Well, bubble tea is just the thing to slake your thirst. The chewy bubbles combined with the delectable liquid makes for the perfect after-Pocky drink. This may also add to your inspiration and motivation
Okay, now here is the optional step: While you do the first two, you may choose to also relax with a bottle of Fiji water and a DVD of the Princess Bride and/or High School Musical. Three in one package! How can you not want to save the world that brought to light such amazing things? But this is optional because the bubble tea and Pocky should have already maxed you out on the inspiration meter.
Now, the final step: Actually saving the world. This is broken up into several steps.
(a) Recycle the cardboard of the Pocky container. And while you're at it, recycle all other paperish recyclables too! Save trees, save energy, just...save. What was that you learned in elementary school? Reduce, Reuse, Recycle. So do it.
(b) Recycle your Boba and/or Fiji water containers. If you can. Every little helps! And watch your movies in the dark to save electricity.
(c) When you run a search, use Blackle.com. This is essentially Google, but on a black screen. Fewer lit pixels = watt hours saved!
(d) Keep recycling. It's not that hard. Keep a recycling bin around at home, and put it out on recycling days! Maybe 10 minutes of your time would be diverted, and you have bought more time for our planet!
(e) Bring your own reusable cloth bag when you go shopping when you can. Unless you have massive loads to buy, at which point you might find it impractical. But if you have to use paper/plastic bags, reuse them later for other things!
(f) When not in a room, turn the light off!
(g) In short, be conscious of how much energy you waste. That's right, a lot of the time you don't even need a lot of the things you think you do. A little care on your part will make you a part of SAVING THE WORLD
Well, you can call me a tree-hugging eco-terrorist, but you'd be wrong. I am just an average citizen who wants to save the world. And YOU can too! Of course, I have only listed obvious and easy things to do. If you're interested in making a difference, use Blackle.com to search for more ways to help preserve our environment. Let's not screw up the planet more than it already is.
And after you're done with saving the world (all in a day's work!), you may recline on your futon--or wherever it is on which you wish to recline--and munch pocky, drink bubble tea, and watch a marathon of your favorite Disney movies + the Princess Bride. While reading Harry Potter! What more could you ask for?
Now, step one: Get some Pocky. That's right. How can you hope to save the world on an empty stomach? How can you have the motivation to save the world when you don't know what exactly it is you're trying to save? Therefore, eating pocky deserves a whole step to itself. You will be inspired to save Pocky, and therefore the Pocky box, and therefore the creators of Pocky and the box and then, by relation, their relations, etc etc. You get the idea. First Big Idea: Eat Pocky. Save the world.
Step two: Get some Boba. That's Bubble Tea. After munching on all that Pocky, you may find yourself thirsty. Well, bubble tea is just the thing to slake your thirst. The chewy bubbles combined with the delectable liquid makes for the perfect after-Pocky drink. This may also add to your inspiration and motivation
Okay, now here is the optional step: While you do the first two, you may choose to also relax with a bottle of Fiji water and a DVD of the Princess Bride and/or High School Musical. Three in one package! How can you not want to save the world that brought to light such amazing things? But this is optional because the bubble tea and Pocky should have already maxed you out on the inspiration meter.
Now, the final step: Actually saving the world. This is broken up into several steps.
(a) Recycle the cardboard of the Pocky container. And while you're at it, recycle all other paperish recyclables too! Save trees, save energy, just...save. What was that you learned in elementary school? Reduce, Reuse, Recycle. So do it.
(b) Recycle your Boba and/or Fiji water containers. If you can. Every little helps! And watch your movies in the dark to save electricity.
(c) When you run a search, use Blackle.com. This is essentially Google, but on a black screen. Fewer lit pixels = watt hours saved!
(d) Keep recycling. It's not that hard. Keep a recycling bin around at home, and put it out on recycling days! Maybe 10 minutes of your time would be diverted, and you have bought more time for our planet!
(e) Bring your own reusable cloth bag when you go shopping when you can. Unless you have massive loads to buy, at which point you might find it impractical. But if you have to use paper/plastic bags, reuse them later for other things!
(f) When not in a room, turn the light off!
(g) In short, be conscious of how much energy you waste. That's right, a lot of the time you don't even need a lot of the things you think you do. A little care on your part will make you a part of SAVING THE WORLD
Well, you can call me a tree-hugging eco-terrorist, but you'd be wrong. I am just an average citizen who wants to save the world. And YOU can too! Of course, I have only listed obvious and easy things to do. If you're interested in making a difference, use Blackle.com to search for more ways to help preserve our environment. Let's not screw up the planet more than it already is.
And after you're done with saving the world (all in a day's work!), you may recline on your futon--or wherever it is on which you wish to recline--and munch pocky, drink bubble tea, and watch a marathon of your favorite Disney movies + the Princess Bride. While reading Harry Potter! What more could you ask for?
Monday, September 17, 2007
Chivalry: A Forgotten Relic of a Bygone Age?
Coming back from the Buttery, I offered to carry one of my friend's textbook. It looked kinda heavy, and I figured, she's already carrying a bag, so it makes sense to offer, right? Well, my innocuous action sparked a mini-debate on the value and existence of chivalry, leaving me to wonder this: Is chivalry dead? And if so, why?
I have always believed that guys should be kind to, and look out for, girls. Even when I was in my "girls have cooties" phase which, admittedly, lasted for a long time, I followed this principle known as chivalry. This involves, for example, holding the door, offering assistance whenever it may be needed, "ladies first," etc. This means, on a crowded bus, giving up your seat to someone more in need, i.e. the girl, or the pregnant woman, or the elderly.
However, I am told that it no longer applies--a seat is given up only to those in obvious need: perhaps the woman in high heels who will suffer terribly while standing, the pregnant woman (definitely), and the elderly. But this now goes by "common courtesy," because men shouldn't give up their seats to woman now that there is "equality between genders."
My friend warns me that some die-hard feminists will even take offense if I, for example, offer my seat or to help carry some items. Why? Would I be threatening her independence? Is she so insecure in her independence, self-sustenance, and self-esteem as to be offended? I don't understand. Being offered help usually doesn't mean the helper deems the helped to be weak or needy. If somebody offers help, especially for no price (which is important, apparently, in our current materialistic world), why look a gift horse in the mouth? Is the act of offering assistance a condescending mistake?
Biologically speaking, men are for the most part physically stronger than women. Does this not imply that he should offer her help when he can? This is hardly encroaching on the woman's individuality or independence. This doesn't mean that the woman is relying on the man to "save the damsel in distress." This doesn't mean that she is helpless to fend for herself. Why is chivalry such a bad thing, then? Why do people wish it dead?
Socially, chivalry would definitely help improve communities. Kindness, in whatever form, should be encouraged. Who wouldn't rather live in a supportive community instead of a lonely apartment? Kindness leads to kindness--if you're nice to someone, they will remember it and maybe be inspired to offer the same courtesy to someone else.
Are people really so adamant about eliminating chivalry? Based on what I've seen/heard, apparently the answer is yes. "The elimination of gender roles!" is a familiar attack against chivalry. "Equality for all!" is another. But I ask this: Why throw away perks that are freely given? A woman confident and secure in her ability and independence shouldn't need to worry about the implications of being offered help. Why should she? She knows what she is capable of, and a little help would only save her time and effort. And she can always decline the offer.
But if outcry against chivalry exists, why do the same people still cling to other gender roles? For example, it is, in the vast majority of cases, the man asking the woman out on a date, or to marry him, or for anything romantic. Isn't this just another form of chivalry? The man makes himself vulnerable so that the woman does not. I only know of one case where the girl asked the guy--and she supports chivalry.
Other principles, such as never hitting a girl, follow directly from chivalry. The principle of chivalry is that guys will be nice to girls, instead being jerks. Is that really such a bad thing?
I have always believed that guys should be kind to, and look out for, girls. Even when I was in my "girls have cooties" phase which, admittedly, lasted for a long time, I followed this principle known as chivalry. This involves, for example, holding the door, offering assistance whenever it may be needed, "ladies first," etc. This means, on a crowded bus, giving up your seat to someone more in need, i.e. the girl, or the pregnant woman, or the elderly.
However, I am told that it no longer applies--a seat is given up only to those in obvious need: perhaps the woman in high heels who will suffer terribly while standing, the pregnant woman (definitely), and the elderly. But this now goes by "common courtesy," because men shouldn't give up their seats to woman now that there is "equality between genders."
My friend warns me that some die-hard feminists will even take offense if I, for example, offer my seat or to help carry some items. Why? Would I be threatening her independence? Is she so insecure in her independence, self-sustenance, and self-esteem as to be offended? I don't understand. Being offered help usually doesn't mean the helper deems the helped to be weak or needy. If somebody offers help, especially for no price (which is important, apparently, in our current materialistic world), why look a gift horse in the mouth? Is the act of offering assistance a condescending mistake?
Biologically speaking, men are for the most part physically stronger than women. Does this not imply that he should offer her help when he can? This is hardly encroaching on the woman's individuality or independence. This doesn't mean that the woman is relying on the man to "save the damsel in distress." This doesn't mean that she is helpless to fend for herself. Why is chivalry such a bad thing, then? Why do people wish it dead?
Socially, chivalry would definitely help improve communities. Kindness, in whatever form, should be encouraged. Who wouldn't rather live in a supportive community instead of a lonely apartment? Kindness leads to kindness--if you're nice to someone, they will remember it and maybe be inspired to offer the same courtesy to someone else.
Are people really so adamant about eliminating chivalry? Based on what I've seen/heard, apparently the answer is yes. "The elimination of gender roles!" is a familiar attack against chivalry. "Equality for all!" is another. But I ask this: Why throw away perks that are freely given? A woman confident and secure in her ability and independence shouldn't need to worry about the implications of being offered help. Why should she? She knows what she is capable of, and a little help would only save her time and effort. And she can always decline the offer.
But if outcry against chivalry exists, why do the same people still cling to other gender roles? For example, it is, in the vast majority of cases, the man asking the woman out on a date, or to marry him, or for anything romantic. Isn't this just another form of chivalry? The man makes himself vulnerable so that the woman does not. I only know of one case where the girl asked the guy--and she supports chivalry.
Other principles, such as never hitting a girl, follow directly from chivalry. The principle of chivalry is that guys will be nice to girls, instead being jerks. Is that really such a bad thing?
Saturday, August 25, 2007
Untitled
There exists three things that I fear most:
1) Nuclear Fallout
2) Alien Invasion
3) Asian Parent Karaoke Night
...Not necessarily in that order.
"Shut up, Allen, you weirdo!"
...My co-writer has issues.
Moving on, ("Shut up!") karaoke night ("Allen, I'm gonna kill you!") really is very frightening. From the first tortured screech to the last painful wail, it is comparable to GitMo.
Okay, so maybe I exaggerate a little. But only a little, as my co-writer can testify ("My kidneys hurt.") Thank you, Julie.
Quoth the Raymond, "That's what she said!"
I'm sure the Kurse of the Karaoke doesn't apply only to me. In unfortunate households across the nation, unseemly shrieks of misplaced enthusiasm rise like helium baloons. There must be a solution. There must be some way to solve this unsolvable unsolvability.
But until that day comes, I will go hide in my corner. Shivering. Eating cheesecake. My co-writer tries to encourage me with her words of wisdom: "Allen. I think you'll get eaten by a lion."
There's still hope!!
1) Nuclear Fallout
2) Alien Invasion
3) Asian Parent Karaoke Night
...Not necessarily in that order.
"Shut up, Allen, you weirdo!"
...My co-writer has issues.
Moving on, ("Shut up!") karaoke night ("Allen, I'm gonna kill you!") really is very frightening. From the first tortured screech to the last painful wail, it is comparable to GitMo.
Okay, so maybe I exaggerate a little. But only a little, as my co-writer can testify ("My kidneys hurt.") Thank you, Julie.
Quoth the Raymond, "That's what she said!"
I'm sure the Kurse of the Karaoke doesn't apply only to me. In unfortunate households across the nation, unseemly shrieks of misplaced enthusiasm rise like helium baloons. There must be a solution. There must be some way to solve this unsolvable unsolvability.
But until that day comes, I will go hide in my corner. Shivering. Eating cheesecake. My co-writer tries to encourage me with her words of wisdom: "Allen. I think you'll get eaten by a lion."
There's still hope!!
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
Eragon?
Eragon seems to be a rather popular book these days; I mean, they even made a movie of it! (Though I hear it's actually pretty bad.) A lot of people I talk to seem to like the Eragon series. Some give it effusive praise. Am I the only one who intensely dislikes it? (Not hate.)
The guy, Paolini, was young when he wrote it, kudos for that, but in my mind, that is the only thing about Eragon that deserves praise. Though I know I'm not an outstanding writer myself, the writing style of Eragon often seems forced, pretentious even. The dialogue, for example, doesn't feel natural at all. The flow of events, the descriptions, the transitions--they give a discordant sensation. Maybe it's just me, and I'm weird, but I can't immerse myself in the text like other novels. It's hard to say just what is throwing me off, but I can't shake the uncomfortable feeling while reading the book. Maybe it's the inconsistency of speech for each person, or the overly elaborate, pretentiously overdone drama or whatever. Maybe I'm being unfairly critical. But it's food for thought the next time you read the book.
Writing style aside, I find many uncomfortable similarities and parallels with David Eddings' books. I've long been a fan of Eddings, so maybe it's my own prejudice acting up again, but the plot seems very similar to Eddings' Belgariad series. A young boy lives on a farm, happily toiling away as a farmer, unaware of his awesome heritage--descended from important, powerful people. An old man, in the guise of a storyteller, spirits him away, and mentors him as he gains control of his powers. As the young man comes into his own, a girl, a princess of different race, enters his life, and he falls for her. The young man, thrust into a leadership role, must save the world from evil. Sound familiar? Very simplified, probably unfair to Paolini, but like I said, I'm too familiar with Eddings' books to not spot such similarities.
But my main issue remains that the writing style feels undeveloped and juvenile; not at all what one would expect of a hyped novel (at its release.)
The guy, Paolini, was young when he wrote it, kudos for that, but in my mind, that is the only thing about Eragon that deserves praise. Though I know I'm not an outstanding writer myself, the writing style of Eragon often seems forced, pretentious even. The dialogue, for example, doesn't feel natural at all. The flow of events, the descriptions, the transitions--they give a discordant sensation. Maybe it's just me, and I'm weird, but I can't immerse myself in the text like other novels. It's hard to say just what is throwing me off, but I can't shake the uncomfortable feeling while reading the book. Maybe it's the inconsistency of speech for each person, or the overly elaborate, pretentiously overdone drama or whatever. Maybe I'm being unfairly critical. But it's food for thought the next time you read the book.
Writing style aside, I find many uncomfortable similarities and parallels with David Eddings' books. I've long been a fan of Eddings, so maybe it's my own prejudice acting up again, but the plot seems very similar to Eddings' Belgariad series. A young boy lives on a farm, happily toiling away as a farmer, unaware of his awesome heritage--descended from important, powerful people. An old man, in the guise of a storyteller, spirits him away, and mentors him as he gains control of his powers. As the young man comes into his own, a girl, a princess of different race, enters his life, and he falls for her. The young man, thrust into a leadership role, must save the world from evil. Sound familiar? Very simplified, probably unfair to Paolini, but like I said, I'm too familiar with Eddings' books to not spot such similarities.
But my main issue remains that the writing style feels undeveloped and juvenile; not at all what one would expect of a hyped novel (at its release.)
Thursday, February 22, 2007
Inauguration of the Blog
In honor of my URL, this first post is dedicated to that most delicious of foods, the incarnation of ambrosia in the modern world: Pocky.
Though I am still unsure of how to pronounce it--I've heard "Pawky" as well as "Pokey"--it is nevertheless my favorite by far. And, as of this moment, I would like to say that if you have not tasted the unspeakable goodness that is Pocky, you are missing out, and must therefore go forth and seek this Holy Grail of foods.
I don't think there has been a word invented that can adequately convey the perfection of Pocky. It is beyond scrumptious, beyond delectable, beyond any other currently existing word. For example, earlier I said it was delicious. I was wrong. Pocky isn't delicious; delicious is Pocky. If I had to choose only one food for the rest of eternity, Pocky would be that food. If I die, it will be because of over-consumption of Pocky because, obviously, Pocky grants immortality except in excess.
To further demonstrate the power of Pocky, let me relate this anecdote. I was taking a Multivariable Calculus quiz, when I got stuck on a problem. I tried for 10 minutes, and I couldn't discover how to do it; I didn't even know where to start. So I reach into my backpack, take out a pack of Pocky, and start munching. Immediately, an idea hits me! I try it and, voila, I solved the problem in under five minutes.
Therefore, Pocky is amazing.
QED
Though I am still unsure of how to pronounce it--I've heard "Pawky" as well as "Pokey"--it is nevertheless my favorite by far. And, as of this moment, I would like to say that if you have not tasted the unspeakable goodness that is Pocky, you are missing out, and must therefore go forth and seek this Holy Grail of foods.
I don't think there has been a word invented that can adequately convey the perfection of Pocky. It is beyond scrumptious, beyond delectable, beyond any other currently existing word. For example, earlier I said it was delicious. I was wrong. Pocky isn't delicious; delicious is Pocky. If I had to choose only one food for the rest of eternity, Pocky would be that food. If I die, it will be because of over-consumption of Pocky because, obviously, Pocky grants immortality except in excess.
To further demonstrate the power of Pocky, let me relate this anecdote. I was taking a Multivariable Calculus quiz, when I got stuck on a problem. I tried for 10 minutes, and I couldn't discover how to do it; I didn't even know where to start. So I reach into my backpack, take out a pack of Pocky, and start munching. Immediately, an idea hits me! I try it and, voila, I solved the problem in under five minutes.
Therefore, Pocky is amazing.
QED
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