...the RIAA decides to sue a chronically ill girl (suffering from pancreatitis and depression) whose single mother makes $8.25 an hour, who is also facing mounting medical bills. The 19-year-old girl was, shockingly, unable to make it to court, earning the RIAA a default settlement of $8000. Apparently, she shared a criminally large amount of songs (10) over the internet while hospitalized.
Truly, RIAA has made the first bold step into a new era of internet justice. To avoid the same fate as the aforementioned miscreant, check out http://www.riaa.com/ -- you can download your very own "Young People, Music & the Internet: A Guide For Parents & Teachers About Digital Music & Downloading"
Make sure you check the link first though! Just in case you download a pirated copy.
Monday, December 29, 2008
Thursday, November 6, 2008
On Fighting Wars
So I was sitting in StraTechWar today (that's Strategy, Technology, and War), listening to this dude (I think he was an admiral or something) talking about the Nuclear Propulsion Program--basically putting nuclear engines and such into warships. This is pretty cool, especially since the first nuclear powered submarine was named USS Nautilus, which is the same name as Captain Nemo's famous ship. Yeah, it sounds like a dumb reason to like it, but I'm a fan of Nemo. The fish.
Anyway, I was sitting and thinking--why do we need such destructive weapons anyway? There's got to be better ways of fighting wars, that aren't as bloody or violent. I came up with several ways that I think should be considered in all future combat. The future of battle lies not with super lasers that can curve all the way around the world and hit yourself in the back (although that would be awesome for about 0.13 seconds before the laser travels around and hits you in the back.) No--the future lies in these:
1) Laughing Gas.
I was thinking about Harry Potter, and it hit me--there were so many ways to take down Death Eaters without using lethal curses, such as Rictumsempra (the tickling spell, which Harry used to pwn Draco in Book Two.) Why can't we just douse the other side with laughing gas, and have them laugh themselves into incapacitation? This way, even if the wind blew the gas back toward our own side, we wouldn't hurt ourselves. True, gas warfare is prohibited by the Geneva Convention but come on--laughing gas is nothing like mustard gas. It won't even kill anyone! Unless they laugh themselves to death, which is unlikely.
Convinced of the feasibility of such a method, I immediately conducted some research (e.g. Wikipedia) and learned, to my intense dismay, that laughing gas DID NOT MAKE YOU LAUGH. WTF?????????? It's just the colloquial name of nitrous oxide, which is an anesthetic that gives you a happy feeling ("euphoric.") I felt so cheated. But upon further reading, I realized that it could still work. If you make the other side so happy that they don't want to fight, then you basically win anyway! In true wannabe Mythbuster style, I am now declaring this solution PLAUSIBLE.
2) Tranquilizing Rain
I got this from Naruto (DON'T LAUGH.) There was this one chapter where this dude throws up an umbrella thereby causing a deadly rain of needles to pepper his enemy. Well, instead of raining needles, what if we use a cannon to shoot up lots of tranquilizing darts into the sky, and have them rain down on the opponenet? Falling darts are really hard to dodge. And since people wear helmets (usually) the darts would probably hit something like a shoulder. Gravity and impact might cause some broken bones, but that's better than death right?
But, upon further consideration, the darts would have to be shot pretty damn high, and who knows what kind of havoic they could cause. So instead of darts, I propose a tranquilzing rain. Launch giant bags of tranquilizer fluid into the air, then shoot them with a sniper or something, and have it rain tranquilfication (is this a word?) Much better than exploding shrapnel or fireballs of doom.
3) Foam Wars
This is pretty self-explanatory. Have airplanes drop foam bombs. They explode into awesome foaminess, encompassing the opponenet and disabling their movement and willingness to fight. Better yet, make the foam smell nice--it's proven that nice smells promote feelings of contentment. Even if this is taken to extremes, the foam still wouldn't really hurt anyone. What a great idea!
4) Ball Pit of Doom. And By Doom I Mean Awesomeness.
This is a bit trickier. It takes some more time. The opponents have to be surrounded for this to work. Perfect for fighting against guerilla forces where you know they are there, but you don't know where they are. First! You erect giant walls around an area. Or a giant fence. Same thing. Then you air drop lots and lots of ball pit balls into the area, filling it up! You only need fences about 5 feet high or so. The balls should be dropped in bags that explode (BUT WITH NO FIRE OR SHOCKWAVES) upon impact with the ground. This would quickly fill up the area with balls. This might even be seen as a gesture of peace, since you are providing them with fun stuff to play with.
5) The Bubble Gun
Sound familiar? It should. The signature attack of our favorite little turtle--no, not Squirt or Crush, but rather SQUIRTLE!!! This isn't as crazy as it sounds. Okay, maybe it is, but it's awesome. Create a gun that shoots out bubbles filled with laughing gas and shoot bubbles at the enemy! This will be perfect--it will simulate my concept of laughing gas. They will be so busy laughing at the bubbles that when the bubbles pop, they'll be put to sleep (literally, not euphemistically [is that a word?]) There can be a giant fan set up to help blow the bubbles. Even if bubbles are shot down, the gas will still be there and be blown to where it needs to go.
Wouldn't this type of warfare be awesome??!!?? I, for one, would totally be willing to be bombed by foam and encased in a ball pit.
I will leave you with this thought--the best method of warfare, but one that I fear will never be given serious consideration. Launch towards your opponent lots of heart shaped boxes of chocolate. What kind of heartless individual would shoot at someone who sent mass amounts of heart shapped boxes of chocolate? Exactly--nobody would.
As the adage goes, make love not war.
Anyway, I was sitting and thinking--why do we need such destructive weapons anyway? There's got to be better ways of fighting wars, that aren't as bloody or violent. I came up with several ways that I think should be considered in all future combat. The future of battle lies not with super lasers that can curve all the way around the world and hit yourself in the back (although that would be awesome for about 0.13 seconds before the laser travels around and hits you in the back.) No--the future lies in these:
1) Laughing Gas.
I was thinking about Harry Potter, and it hit me--there were so many ways to take down Death Eaters without using lethal curses, such as Rictumsempra (the tickling spell, which Harry used to pwn Draco in Book Two.) Why can't we just douse the other side with laughing gas, and have them laugh themselves into incapacitation? This way, even if the wind blew the gas back toward our own side, we wouldn't hurt ourselves. True, gas warfare is prohibited by the Geneva Convention but come on--laughing gas is nothing like mustard gas. It won't even kill anyone! Unless they laugh themselves to death, which is unlikely.
Convinced of the feasibility of such a method, I immediately conducted some research (e.g. Wikipedia) and learned, to my intense dismay, that laughing gas DID NOT MAKE YOU LAUGH. WTF?????????? It's just the colloquial name of nitrous oxide, which is an anesthetic that gives you a happy feeling ("euphoric.") I felt so cheated. But upon further reading, I realized that it could still work. If you make the other side so happy that they don't want to fight, then you basically win anyway! In true wannabe Mythbuster style, I am now declaring this solution PLAUSIBLE.
2) Tranquilizing Rain
I got this from Naruto (DON'T LAUGH.) There was this one chapter where this dude throws up an umbrella thereby causing a deadly rain of needles to pepper his enemy. Well, instead of raining needles, what if we use a cannon to shoot up lots of tranquilizing darts into the sky, and have them rain down on the opponenet? Falling darts are really hard to dodge. And since people wear helmets (usually) the darts would probably hit something like a shoulder. Gravity and impact might cause some broken bones, but that's better than death right?
But, upon further consideration, the darts would have to be shot pretty damn high, and who knows what kind of havoic they could cause. So instead of darts, I propose a tranquilzing rain. Launch giant bags of tranquilizer fluid into the air, then shoot them with a sniper or something, and have it rain tranquilfication (is this a word?) Much better than exploding shrapnel or fireballs of doom.
3) Foam Wars
This is pretty self-explanatory. Have airplanes drop foam bombs. They explode into awesome foaminess, encompassing the opponenet and disabling their movement and willingness to fight. Better yet, make the foam smell nice--it's proven that nice smells promote feelings of contentment. Even if this is taken to extremes, the foam still wouldn't really hurt anyone. What a great idea!
4) Ball Pit of Doom. And By Doom I Mean Awesomeness.
This is a bit trickier. It takes some more time. The opponents have to be surrounded for this to work. Perfect for fighting against guerilla forces where you know they are there, but you don't know where they are. First! You erect giant walls around an area. Or a giant fence. Same thing. Then you air drop lots and lots of ball pit balls into the area, filling it up! You only need fences about 5 feet high or so. The balls should be dropped in bags that explode (BUT WITH NO FIRE OR SHOCKWAVES) upon impact with the ground. This would quickly fill up the area with balls. This might even be seen as a gesture of peace, since you are providing them with fun stuff to play with.
5) The Bubble Gun
Sound familiar? It should. The signature attack of our favorite little turtle--no, not Squirt or Crush, but rather SQUIRTLE!!! This isn't as crazy as it sounds. Okay, maybe it is, but it's awesome. Create a gun that shoots out bubbles filled with laughing gas and shoot bubbles at the enemy! This will be perfect--it will simulate my concept of laughing gas. They will be so busy laughing at the bubbles that when the bubbles pop, they'll be put to sleep (literally, not euphemistically [is that a word?]) There can be a giant fan set up to help blow the bubbles. Even if bubbles are shot down, the gas will still be there and be blown to where it needs to go.
Wouldn't this type of warfare be awesome??!!?? I, for one, would totally be willing to be bombed by foam and encased in a ball pit.
I will leave you with this thought--the best method of warfare, but one that I fear will never be given serious consideration. Launch towards your opponent lots of heart shaped boxes of chocolate. What kind of heartless individual would shoot at someone who sent mass amounts of heart shapped boxes of chocolate? Exactly--nobody would.
As the adage goes, make love not war.
Friday, September 26, 2008
Hilarious
http://edition.cnn.com/2008/POLITICS/09/26/navarrette.obama.mccain/index.html?eref=rss_topstories
This guy is so deluded. Political affiliation aside, McCain did nothing. And his "campaign suspension" was nominal and a farce. Who still sees his ads running?
I don't even want to talk about what a joke McCain's campaign suspension stunt is. He admitted that he knew nothing about economics, and then went to the meeting and said nothing, except to disrupt the process at the end.
If McCain's declaration isn't political grandstanding, I don't know what is. Anyway, I wasn't actually going to make any comments about the article, and let it stand on its own hilarity, but I couldn't resist.
This guy is so deluded. Political affiliation aside, McCain did nothing. And his "campaign suspension" was nominal and a farce. Who still sees his ads running?
I don't even want to talk about what a joke McCain's campaign suspension stunt is. He admitted that he knew nothing about economics, and then went to the meeting and said nothing, except to disrupt the process at the end.
If McCain's declaration isn't political grandstanding, I don't know what is. Anyway, I wasn't actually going to make any comments about the article, and let it stand on its own hilarity, but I couldn't resist.
Sunday, May 18, 2008
Gun Control
This is why we don't need gun control.
http://www.cnn.com/2008/US/05/17/church.shootings/index.html?iref=werecommend
A seemingly non-certifiably-insane guy with a specific motive.
http://www.cnn.com/2008/US/05/17/church.shootings/index.html?iref=werecommend
A seemingly non-certifiably-insane guy with a specific motive.
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Brothers! Fight this injustice!
In today's world of equality, harmony, acceptance, and all that fun stuff, perhaps we should address something that has long eluded the jurisdiction of the spirit of fairness.
I am, of course, referring to the First Move, traditionally assigned to guys.
Woman, of course, should be afforded all rights and privileges given to men; in fact, to make up for all the time that they could not enjoy the roles traditionally enjoyed by men. In the spirit of affirmitive action or whatever, a total gender role reversal might even be in order. I hereby propose that men do the cooking and laundry, and women do the asking out.
There is one pioneer in this field, who's dearest desire is to be a househusband. Congratulations to you for being such a revolutionary. You know who you are.
Also, I propose a varsity women's football team. That way, there can be more men's varsity sports that get funding. Like volleyball.
PS: Anybody want to share a "couple's ticket" for the AASA formal?
I am, of course, referring to the First Move, traditionally assigned to guys.
Woman, of course, should be afforded all rights and privileges given to men; in fact, to make up for all the time that they could not enjoy the roles traditionally enjoyed by men. In the spirit of affirmitive action or whatever, a total gender role reversal might even be in order. I hereby propose that men do the cooking and laundry, and women do the asking out.
There is one pioneer in this field, who's dearest desire is to be a househusband. Congratulations to you for being such a revolutionary. You know who you are.
Also, I propose a varsity women's football team. That way, there can be more men's varsity sports that get funding. Like volleyball.
PS: Anybody want to share a "couple's ticket" for the AASA formal?
Monday, April 21, 2008
A Story
Once upon a time, something happened which may or may not have been the direct or indirect result of a prior event happening. The former occured during a weather condition that could have contributed to the happenings, depending on the percepective of the people involved in the event. The event was momentous to some, but unimportant to others. There were conflicts that were caused by other conflicts, which conflicted with conflicting conflicts. However, these were eventually resolved, somewhat, to the possible best interest of all parties involved, leading to a Happily Ever After.
The End.
This story was inspired by a conversation with someone who inspired the story.
The End.
This story was inspired by a conversation with someone who inspired the story.
Sunday, March 2, 2008
Advancing The Knowledge Pool For All Mankind
In an earlier entry, I made the audacious claim of majoring in HowGirlsThinkOlogy (http://thepockymonster.blogspot.com/2007/10/what-i-learned-from-intel.html). To some of you, this seemed like a joke. To others, probably a whim that wouldn't last long. To most of you, I was nuts.
Well, I have decided, since then, to make significant steps in advancing this bold new field of study. To that end, based on the indirect direction of one-who-will-not-be-named-for-the-sake-of-privacy-but-whose-name-rhymes-with-Chessica-Jen-from-a-school-that-rhymes-with-Blontgomery-Mair, I have concocted a scheme that is sure to reveal all sorts of interesting information.
WikiHow, the how-to site that you can edit, provides a plethora of information--but how much of it is reliable? How much is written by a guy who thinks he knows things but actually doesn't because he's not a HowGirlsThinkOlogy major? That is the question that I will try to answer, through this scientifically sound process.
I will paste the entirety of one WikiHow entry--which I now declare is not mine, so that I can't be sued for plagiarism, not that anyone would want to since I have no money for people to win--and I plead, for the sake of science and the edification of the--as Peter Pan tells Wendy Darling--inferior sex (for one girl is worth twenty boys), that any girl/woman/lady/female reading this entry would confirm or deny the truth of the elements in the WikiHow article.
I know this imports to Facebook, because I didn't turn off the import option before taking my FB hiatus. So I know this will be a Facebook note. So, Facebookers, not just the very few people who actually read this blog, please also give your input, via Facebook, or on this blog. The end result will be, hopefully, a true and comprehensive guide to HOW TO TALK TO A GIRL.
1. Be yourself.
2. Bring something up but don't seem too obvious about liking them. When you talk just be yourself, then you can see if the girl likes you for who you really are.
3. Look in her eyes and be serious and not desperate. But if she looks away don't try it again. When she looks away, it's almost always her way of saying "oh great, I don't like you, but how can I be nice about it"
4. Comment on her sense of humor, good taste in music, or prowess on the dance floor. It's all right to compliment her clothes, hair, jewelry, etc., but you'll really win a girl's heart if she sees that you're into more than just her outside.
5. Don't tell girls — for that matter, anyone at all — they have a flaw unless you are obviously poking fun at them, even then only if you know they can take a joke, and know you well enough to know how to react to your teasing. Otherwise you risk putting them off.
6. Be funny. If you can make her laugh, you've as good as got her number then and there.
7. Don't try too hard. Girls will see you as needy and will not be attracted to you.
8. Be confident in yourself and don't be afraid of saying something stupid. If you're not afraid then you probably won't. If you have been friends with her for years, and are comfortable talking pretend you are just talking to her about another girl you like.
9. Make her laugh. Tell her you like her ear rings for example. Maybe if you are sitting next to her you could put an arm around the chair or something. If she clearly does not want you... give up. You will be made fun of by every single girl if she doesn't like you and dumps you in front of everyone. If you want to ask her out,do it in private, people spread rumors.
10. Stop her in the hallway just to give her a hug and tell her she smells nice. Smile and walk away.It will show her that you care enough to stop her and pay attention to details like smell (that makes girls feel uncomfortable when you do it randomly).
Tips
· Always be yourself.
· Never insult a girl unless you know she will take it as a joke.
· Do not touch or talk about her stomach, most girls no matter how thin think they are fat. This is definitely a no-go area as far as girls are concerned.
· Try to get on with her friends as without them on your side you've got no chance.
· No matter what don't leave telling her how you feel for too long. If you think she might like you then ask her out. After all, she can only say no.
· Don't approach her if you know she has a boyfriend, as it is a lost cause (for the time being) and you don't want to offend her boyfriend!
Warnings
· If she doesn't seem happy with you, leave her be for two days without approaching her, that will give her time to cool down and think straight again. After a couple of days she will be ready to talk to you again.
· Never make a comment about her weight! Unless you are incredibly smooth and can turn this into something good.
· Don't talk about other girls in front of her, and never compare her to other girls.
· DONT talk about guy stuff. Most girls would rather you not talk about disturbing topics while they are present!!!!
----------------------------
Gentlemen, your input is also appreciated. Responses will be duly noted, but generally ignored.
For the sake of science! Let the great pooling of knowledge commence!
Well, I have decided, since then, to make significant steps in advancing this bold new field of study. To that end, based on the indirect direction of one-who-will-not-be-named-for-the-sake-of-privacy-but-whose-name-rhymes-with-Chessica-Jen-from-a-school-that-rhymes-with-Blontgomery-Mair, I have concocted a scheme that is sure to reveal all sorts of interesting information.
WikiHow, the how-to site that you can edit, provides a plethora of information--but how much of it is reliable? How much is written by a guy who thinks he knows things but actually doesn't because he's not a HowGirlsThinkOlogy major? That is the question that I will try to answer, through this scientifically sound process.
I will paste the entirety of one WikiHow entry--which I now declare is not mine, so that I can't be sued for plagiarism, not that anyone would want to since I have no money for people to win--and I plead, for the sake of science and the edification of the--as Peter Pan tells Wendy Darling--inferior sex (for one girl is worth twenty boys), that any girl/woman/lady/female reading this entry would confirm or deny the truth of the elements in the WikiHow article.
I know this imports to Facebook, because I didn't turn off the import option before taking my FB hiatus. So I know this will be a Facebook note. So, Facebookers, not just the very few people who actually read this blog, please also give your input, via Facebook, or on this blog. The end result will be, hopefully, a true and comprehensive guide to HOW TO TALK TO A GIRL.
1. Be yourself.
2. Bring something up but don't seem too obvious about liking them. When you talk just be yourself, then you can see if the girl likes you for who you really are.
3. Look in her eyes and be serious and not desperate. But if she looks away don't try it again. When she looks away, it's almost always her way of saying "oh great, I don't like you, but how can I be nice about it"
4. Comment on her sense of humor, good taste in music, or prowess on the dance floor. It's all right to compliment her clothes, hair, jewelry, etc., but you'll really win a girl's heart if she sees that you're into more than just her outside.
5. Don't tell girls — for that matter, anyone at all — they have a flaw unless you are obviously poking fun at them, even then only if you know they can take a joke, and know you well enough to know how to react to your teasing. Otherwise you risk putting them off.
6. Be funny. If you can make her laugh, you've as good as got her number then and there.
7. Don't try too hard. Girls will see you as needy and will not be attracted to you.
8. Be confident in yourself and don't be afraid of saying something stupid. If you're not afraid then you probably won't. If you have been friends with her for years, and are comfortable talking pretend you are just talking to her about another girl you like.
9. Make her laugh. Tell her you like her ear rings for example. Maybe if you are sitting next to her you could put an arm around the chair or something. If she clearly does not want you... give up. You will be made fun of by every single girl if she doesn't like you and dumps you in front of everyone. If you want to ask her out,do it in private, people spread rumors.
10. Stop her in the hallway just to give her a hug and tell her she smells nice. Smile and walk away.It will show her that you care enough to stop her and pay attention to details like smell (that makes girls feel uncomfortable when you do it randomly).
Tips
· Always be yourself.
· Never insult a girl unless you know she will take it as a joke.
· Do not touch or talk about her stomach, most girls no matter how thin think they are fat. This is definitely a no-go area as far as girls are concerned.
· Try to get on with her friends as without them on your side you've got no chance.
· No matter what don't leave telling her how you feel for too long. If you think she might like you then ask her out. After all, she can only say no.
· Don't approach her if you know she has a boyfriend, as it is a lost cause (for the time being) and you don't want to offend her boyfriend!
Warnings
· If she doesn't seem happy with you, leave her be for two days without approaching her, that will give her time to cool down and think straight again. After a couple of days she will be ready to talk to you again.
· Never make a comment about her weight! Unless you are incredibly smooth and can turn this into something good.
· Don't talk about other girls in front of her, and never compare her to other girls.
· DONT talk about guy stuff. Most girls would rather you not talk about disturbing topics while they are present!!!!
----------------------------
Gentlemen, your input is also appreciated. Responses will be duly noted, but generally ignored.
For the sake of science! Let the great pooling of knowledge commence!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)