This week.....

My Weather Report

This is what I see when I look at a weather report:

Writing a paper over time

Turned it in 14 minutes before deadline--feels like I cured cancer!

It's all in my head

But I looked badass in my head, that's got to count for something.

I'm not lying

I'm just...

Day 3: Tragedy

Guys...it's been a good run, and I've accomplished a lot, but...tonight was a late night of disappointment.

After basically not eating anything all day, in a moment of weakness, I succumbed and ate a chicken tender, 60 hours after starting my vegetarianism. I'm sorry Aneesh--without your guidance, I was unable to stay true to the path.

Though I knew that this moment would come, I had not imagined it would come so soon. I had thought I could at least last the weekend, but given the circumstances, this was not a particularly good weekend through which to last. I know nobody was foolish enough to bet I would last the whole time, but I take great pleasure in proving certain people wrong (e.g. Joe Oh, I lasted more than 24 hours and did not throw up after 48).

I will say also that 60 hours is twice as long as my last vegetarian stint, which was 30 hours. I consider this an achievement.

Also, those were the best damn chicken tenders I've ever had.

In these 60 hours, I've learned a lot. First, is that even if certain vegetarian foods look like crap, they can taste good (e.g. the soup on Day 1). Second, sometimes the food doesn't look like crap and also tastes good (e.g. Thai Food cart from Day 2). And often, food that looks like crap, will taste like crap (e.g. the tofu parmesan. wtf.) Though I have not reached enlightenment, I have learned that it was actually not that difficult to resist eating meat as long as the meat was not right under my nose. And I also realized it's not so much the meat that is irresistible, but rather the coating on it (I will eat anything deep fried.)

My first experiment has fallen short of my expectations, but I have learned. I've a much greater appreciation of non-meat foods. And I know that, whatever it is that makes Aneesh eat vegetarian, I was unable to discover in 60 hours.

As I wallow in the shame of failure, I take comfort in knowing that, despite my weakness, I am now twice as strong as I was before. And also gives me some ideas for some possible future explorations. Stay tuned.

Day 2: Thai Cart

So here's Day 2, and it was actually a pretty encouraging day. Today, I had pad thai, drunken noodle, vegetable curry, and white rice for lunch. Then for dinner, pasta with alfredo sauce, mashed potatoes, some edamame beans, and one piece of tofu parmesan. I had one moment of weakness, where I saw some buffalo wings, but I resisted by quickly stepping away from the area. Then, later, after many hours of heavy lifting, I also ate an eggplant wenzel, which, WHILE ANEESH DIDN'T EAT, I know he would approve of it.

Also, I don't have pictures yet. I will post them ASAP.

Summary of day 2: better than day 1. There were no dino nuggets to taunt me for 1.5 hours straight.

At the moment of this post, I have survived over 39 hours of vegetarianism. Or Aneesh-etarianism.

Edit, with pictures

The Veggie Experiment

As most of you know, I'm a staunch meatetarian. I've always kind of felt bad for vegetarians, mostly because they're missing out on the seriously savory, saporous, scrumptious, satisfying, and succulent meat. But then, I started to wonder. The meat is SO GOOD that there must be something EVEN BETTER about the lack of it that would make people CHOOSE to be vegetarian. Some intangible, perhaps built over time, that can lure these souls away from meat. And so, I am starting the Veggie Experiment, where I will not only be vegetarian until Spring Break, but I will follow, exactly, the diet of a outspoken vegetarian. This particular vegetarian has suffered through my not infrequent attempts at sabotage. His name is Aneesh Raghunandan. And he will guide me through this spiritual journey.

Which will be documented starting now. Also, I know a lot of you haters don't think I can do this for very long, but I'm going to do my utmost to do it for as long as possible. Maybe a betting pool is in order; email Aneesh the math whiz if you're interested.

Dinner, Thursday, February 17:

This is my first Aneesh Diet dinner. It's pizza with tomatos, pasta with tomato sauce, and some sort of indiscernable soup. And milk. I lived.

Also, I'm starting to realize how difficult this challenge is. There were dino nuggets and I was sorely tempted. But I held strong. And I will sleep. Which means by the time I wake up, I'll have been vegetarian for 24 hours.

A Ballad of Love

It's true that I already wrote a poem for Valentine's day but, being caught up the moment, smelling the love in the air, seeing the rose petals falling from the sky, I couldn't help but put my feelings into words.

This poem I write for you today
Is written from the heart
No pithy line can show my love
So I’ll tell it in parts

On a scale of one to virus
My love is like mono
It can ignite with just one kiss
Once here, it never goes

I love you like a shark loves seals
I wait, and do not chase
When you leave your lonely island
I rush for my embrace.

Bruno Mars would catch a grenade
But him, I can outpace
I’d sneak into grenade depots
And wreck the fucking place.

And apparently ballads are only supposed to be four stanzas long, so I guess this one will have to remain incomplete. Now you won’t ever know just exactly how much I love you. Too bad.

Unicorns were involved.

Starcraft Sonnet

As you all know, every Valentine's day (and by "every" I mean last year) I post poems to celebrate this artificial holiday. This year, behold my masterpiece. I call it:

My Love For You In StarCraft 2

A Sonnet by Allen Zhang

If I were to describe my love for you,

I’d say it’s similar to a lone probe:

A little, awkward thing with HP few

Lacking even an occipital lobe.

But wait one second that’s not what I mean

I meant to say you’re more like a queen

Injecting the larva and spreading the creep

Built usually when food count hits fourteen.

No, no, that is not what I meant to say,

I mean, to me, you’re a sleek banshee,

Not the omen of death, the Irish fae,

But rather, harasser of SCVs

Loud sigh, none of my metaphors are hip,

I might as well end epic: MOTHERSHIP

Closer...Closer...Okay, dive now!

This phenomenon might also be due to being too lazy to move until the last second.

Excitement

My Attention Span

For the creation of this graph, substitute "cracked.com" with "creation of this graph."

Doggerels and Poems

Recently, I was involved in a heated, passionate, steamy, sultry...debate about what is a poem and what is a doggerel. I don't want to name any names, but Laurel claimed that Dr. Seuss's creations were doggerel and not poetry. I thought long and hard after on what makes a doggerel and what makes a poem, and I realized--it had all had to do with the TITLE!!! The title of the literary piece makes all the difference. As illustrated below.

I've figured it out. Emily Dickinson, Robert Frost, et al can go suck it.