The Veggie Experiment

As most of you know, I'm a staunch meatetarian. I've always kind of felt bad for vegetarians, mostly because they're missing out on the seriously savory, saporous, scrumptious, satisfying, and succulent meat. But then, I started to wonder. The meat is SO GOOD that there must be something EVEN BETTER about the lack of it that would make people CHOOSE to be vegetarian. Some intangible, perhaps built over time, that can lure these souls away from meat. And so, I am starting the Veggie Experiment, where I will not only be vegetarian until Spring Break, but I will follow, exactly, the diet of a outspoken vegetarian. This particular vegetarian has suffered through my not infrequent attempts at sabotage. His name is Aneesh Raghunandan. And he will guide me through this spiritual journey.

Which will be documented starting now. Also, I know a lot of you haters don't think I can do this for very long, but I'm going to do my utmost to do it for as long as possible. Maybe a betting pool is in order; email Aneesh the math whiz if you're interested.

Dinner, Thursday, February 17:

This is my first Aneesh Diet dinner. It's pizza with tomatos, pasta with tomato sauce, and some sort of indiscernable soup. And milk. I lived.

Also, I'm starting to realize how difficult this challenge is. There were dino nuggets and I was sorely tempted. But I held strong. And I will sleep. Which means by the time I wake up, I'll have been vegetarian for 24 hours.

A Ballad of Love

It's true that I already wrote a poem for Valentine's day but, being caught up the moment, smelling the love in the air, seeing the rose petals falling from the sky, I couldn't help but put my feelings into words.

This poem I write for you today
Is written from the heart
No pithy line can show my love
So I’ll tell it in parts

On a scale of one to virus
My love is like mono
It can ignite with just one kiss
Once here, it never goes

I love you like a shark loves seals
I wait, and do not chase
When you leave your lonely island
I rush for my embrace.

Bruno Mars would catch a grenade
But him, I can outpace
I’d sneak into grenade depots
And wreck the fucking place.

And apparently ballads are only supposed to be four stanzas long, so I guess this one will have to remain incomplete. Now you won’t ever know just exactly how much I love you. Too bad.

Unicorns were involved.

Starcraft Sonnet

As you all know, every Valentine's day (and by "every" I mean last year) I post poems to celebrate this artificial holiday. This year, behold my masterpiece. I call it:

My Love For You In StarCraft 2

A Sonnet by Allen Zhang

If I were to describe my love for you,

I’d say it’s similar to a lone probe:

A little, awkward thing with HP few

Lacking even an occipital lobe.

But wait one second that’s not what I mean

I meant to say you’re more like a queen

Injecting the larva and spreading the creep

Built usually when food count hits fourteen.

No, no, that is not what I meant to say,

I mean, to me, you’re a sleek banshee,

Not the omen of death, the Irish fae,

But rather, harasser of SCVs

Loud sigh, none of my metaphors are hip,

I might as well end epic: MOTHERSHIP

Closer...Closer...Okay, dive now!

This phenomenon might also be due to being too lazy to move until the last second.

Excitement

My Attention Span

For the creation of this graph, substitute "cracked.com" with "creation of this graph."

Doggerels and Poems

Recently, I was involved in a heated, passionate, steamy, sultry...debate about what is a poem and what is a doggerel. I don't want to name any names, but Laurel claimed that Dr. Seuss's creations were doggerel and not poetry. I thought long and hard after on what makes a doggerel and what makes a poem, and I realized--it had all had to do with the TITLE!!! The title of the literary piece makes all the difference. As illustrated below.

I've figured it out. Emily Dickinson, Robert Frost, et al can go suck it.