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There exists three things that I fear most:

1) Nuclear Fallout
2) Alien Invasion
3) Asian Parent Karaoke Night

...Not necessarily in that order.

"Shut up, Allen, you weirdo!"

...My co-writer has issues.

Moving on, ("Shut up!") karaoke night ("Allen, I'm gonna kill you!") really is very frightening. From the first tortured screech to the last painful wail, it is comparable to GitMo.

Okay, so maybe I exaggerate a little. But only a little, as my co-writer can testify ("My kidneys hurt.") Thank you, Julie.

Quoth the Raymond, "That's what she said!"

I'm sure the Kurse of the Karaoke doesn't apply only to me. In unfortunate households across the nation, unseemly shrieks of misplaced enthusiasm rise like helium baloons. There must be a solution. There must be some way to solve this unsolvable unsolvability.

But until that day comes, I will go hide in my corner. Shivering. Eating cheesecake. My co-writer tries to encourage me with her words of wisdom: "Allen. I think you'll get eaten by a lion."

There's still hope!!